My Nigerian father is the first feminist I knew
By Oluwamiseun Olufemi-White
The title may provoke laughter; it’s possibly one of the larger oxymorons one could utter. That should not detract from the essence of the statement; my father is the first feminist I knew.
This week I saw a caption from a female Nigerian DJ, Cuppy. It went “My father gave me the greatest give anyone could give another person: he believed in me!”I must draw attention to the rarity of female Dj’s in Nigeria, even moreso amongst the privileged elites- it is almost unheard of. However, the young lady, against many odds, through her own hardwork and drive, with fatherly support has successfully branded herself a force to be reckoned with in the Nigerian music industry. Why the Cuppy example? She fits in with my analysis on the positive correlation between supportive fathers and successful women. This is not to suggest that only females who have supportive fathers succeed, rather I am purporting; based on my own experience, that fathers can, and many do, play a significant role in moulding outstanding women.
Ironically the first patriarchal figure I encountered; a Nigerian Yoruba man, born and bred in Nigeria, very afro-centric, actually established and nurtured my feminist streak, unknowingly. As with many people my father is one of the most influential people in my life, but I feel he exceeds the norm on how much of a positive influence he has been. Firstly, he is easily one of the most principled, hard-working and disciplined people I know. Secondly, he nurtured me as his wing woman from a very young age: we’d go to his construction sites, I’d join him in fixing stuff around the house and we took trips to the mechanics together.. Thirdly, he never implicitly or explicitly insinuated gender roles: I did not have to be in the kitchen with my mother whilst she cooked, my ambitions were never downcast as ‘unAfrican’. Instead, I was encouraged to think that the sky would not be limit. I find it relatively amusing that the actions of a traditional Yoruba man have fuelled my pro-female emancipation and fulfilment stance. Although, he never identified and probably doesn’t even know he is a feminist, my father’s actions and his words have proven him to be one.
Ultimately, speaking with other girls about gender roles has made me realise that the greatest gift a father could give a daughter, not just anyone, is believing in them. Based on my up-bringing, I think patriarchal figures play a crucial role in the way we women see ourselves.Whilst many girls are made to believe that a life in the domestic was inevitable and that a degree is simply a way of maximising your ‘bride price’, my father always emphasised the importance of financial independence and academic excellence. Domestic chores were never presented as a feminine duty, instead they were things ‘people’ not ‘girls’ did as part of life. My father continues to push and train me to be a fearless all-rounder, who is ready to contend with whatever life throws at me. The extent to which he is a feminist became apparent to me the day he called me to reveal a 10 year plan for my life; aspects entailed how I would have children [maximum of three he suggested], successively but never take a career break because child- rearing is not necessarily a female task. He added that he’d be on hand with an army of nannies to help out and that he’d only approve of a man willing to support my ambitions . At this point many of you may gasp in horror, frowning at how dictatorial that sounds, quite the opposite; he knows my direction, understands my inclinations and thus shows support in the way he knows best and for that I am/will ever be grateful.
For those of you who wonder where the fearless drive and determination comes from; I owe it to my life-planner/coach, my mentor , my confidant, my father.This post is both a tribute to him and to highlight to generations of fathers that they can play a key role in redressing gender imbalances. I don’t condone militaristic tactics and understand that not every woman wants to be career driven but I believe every woman wants the freedom to prescribe her own destiny as she deems fit- and thats what we (all women) need support for.
So to my father: I thank you immensely, I would not be the person I am today without you [I know everyone says that but truly]. Although our perceptions are often not in accordance, you give me the leeway to be opinionated and you’ve taught me to support my views. I’m so grateful.
Thank you Papa.