Bwari Diaries #2

This particular Thursday night started like any other Lovitoz Thursday night. We knew we wanted to pre drink but we left it too late so our only option was Mami Market. We packed ourselves in two cars because you know walking is just too pedestrian (pun intended). I know this already sounds like a fail because how does one go to Mami Market and find alcohol for pre drinks? We did it anyway in the name of banter and because we had nothing to lose. We went to the first kiosk and asked for alcohol and they quickly replied. “No, o!” The second one, same thing but this is where the story gets interesting. The third kiosk told us No too but after we left they called back my friend who shall from hence forth be called Bad American Boy or B.A.B for short. she showed him a drink that looked like an energy drink under the table. It was like she didn’t want anyone to see what looked like a drug transaction going down. It was literally just an energy canned drink.

However, the name should have been a clear warning sign. For some of us,it wasn’t. But a couple of us were a little sceptical because the can said 18% Alcohol. When a drink is only 250 Naira and you’re feeling brave you laugh, shrug your shoulders and make fun of the name of the drink. B.A.B bought a couple more cans for everyone because not all of us could come to Mami Market. Yes my crew really rolls that deep.

I ordered Suya even though I wasn’t hungry and because it was taking so long, two of my friends decided to share a can while they waited in the car. The effect was instant: they were buzzing. This was not a light tingly kind of buzz but a full on alcohol is doing the most in my system kind of buzz but it didn’t last long. I was offered some but I declined. I decided I wasn’t going to drink that evening because you know not every time drink.

However, Seeing the effect the drink had on them I quickly decided not every time be a watch from the sideline guy.

Pre drinking had never been so dangerous. This deadly day in a can had messed up the whole team. For lack of a polite word we were fucked,  ladies and gentlemen. I was hyper as hell. My friends were twerking on the wall. B.A.B had three cans and well let’s just say he was the real MVP. My other friend called me and put the phone on loud speaker to show me that our friend was laughing hysterically. I went to their room and if I hadn’t been with her the whole day I would have sworn that she had taken something. She wasn’t just drunk it was like she was high. Now you would think such a sight would deter me. Hell no! After I managed to control her situation. I went back for another can because like I said not every time be a sideline guy.

I wish I could describe everyone’s individual mini trip but I didn’t sign up to write a dissertation so you’re just going to have use your imagination. We were a beautiful mess and we hadn’t even gotten to Lovitoz. It was amazing. The whole night was amazing. The buzz was amazing. It probably didn’t help that we mixed what ever that devil in a can was with Tequila & Henessy but hey, when in Bwari. We will probably have stories for years to come. In fact we’ve taken a pact that the next time we have that drink, we all have to do it together.

The way the drink works is that it give you a buzz that doesn’t last very long so when you feel yourself coming down you drink a little more. Now how this ends is that all the little sips or gulps you’ve been taking accumulate and hit all at once, BOOM. It’s crazy I’m trying as best as possible to describe it but I don’t think I’m doing it justice.

The next day after crawling out of bed to have breakfast at Lovitoz we managed to make it to our remedial class. Please clap for my team and I because after all of those shenanigans, we didn’t let our education suffer. Priorities kids, prorities.

We all went back to my friends room after class, shared stories and laughing at each other’s experiences under the influence. Boy o! boy did B.A.B have the funniest story out of all of us. He decided to Google it because no one can tell me that drug was only 18% alcohol. The first thing that came up, was a headline that says. “Man dies after drinking 8 bottles of…” To which we all shouted “Ha!” in unison. We also found out the drink has been banned in The UK, US, Europe, Australia and… Wait for it… Russia. If the drink has been banned in Russia then you know it really isn’t a joking something. It also doesn’t stop there. We found out that the drink has some of the chemicals that you would find in Molly (the drug). That really explains A LOT! I mean A LOT!