Bwari Diaries #3

If I actually sat down to think about how they prepared our food here I might pass out. It won’t surprise you that I really haven’t ordered food from the Mami Market because the way Mama Aisha and Mama Ngozi prepare their food might just make my toilet my best friend for the next three months. It’s probably not intentional but I’m 100% sure it’s not hygienic because of the conditions. Every time I go there I have to remind myself to be careful of what I order. The food is cheap, smells good and all that good stuff but my stomach is too sensitive to play Russian roulette with. A couple of days ago I was feeling adventurous (because that’s just the sort of person I am) so I ordered Moi Moi from Mama Y because my friend had ordered it the day before and it tasted good. It was a little too fishy for my happiness but I decided to let it side because not everyday gourmet Moi Moi with surprise surprise ( boiled egg or corned beef). I got to Mama Y and I saw that all the Moi Moi was just in a big translucent bucket. I really should have walked away but it was only 50 Naira a portion and I was tired of spending 2k at Lovitoz per meal so in my opinion it was a bargain. I ordered two and let’s just say my stomach was on a snitching p and I haven’t been back since.

The Mami Market also has a Suya guy and his Suya is really good. I prefer him to the guy at Lovitoz. The only thing I don’t like is that he puts onions and cabbage when we all know it should be onions and tomatoes but hey, maybe that’s just a Lagos thing. That’s how they all serve their Suya here. Cabbage? Really? *rolling my eyes*.

My main aim at Mami Market that day was to photo copy some notes at one of the kiosks. Princess was waiting for me and decided to order chicken Suya and once I saw how good it looked I ordered one too. It was only 400 Naira so we decided to make a meal out of it. We bought Garri and Sugar because Princess had groundnut in her room. It was going to be a rub your hands before you chow kinda meal. We waited 15 minutes for that chicken.  It was looking all succulent and shit. We got back to Princess’s room, opened up the bag took our first bite and the chicken had no taste. Zero seasoning, just tasted like chicken and Suya pepper. My days, the disappointment was real. Moral of the story kids, Baby Girl (me) is going to stick with beef Suya thank you very much.

I thought I was safe when I discovered the food at the dining hall (which my friends and I have conveniently nicknamed D hall). Actually I tell a lie, my friend Practical C (P.C.) discovered that we could actually have food that wouldn’t cost us between 1.5 to 2K per meal. Of course we all took our asses to the D hall and we all ate like kings for about 300 to 600 Naira each. The portions are HUGE, the food is pretty tasty and I was over the moon because my pocket was really thanking me. One of the problems about being here is that you have to pay for EVERYTHING. So 1K may not seem like a lot to spend on a meal but it all adds up very fast! What’s that saying… Ah yes! Shit gets real! That is why most of us order takeaway for dinner too because it really only makes sense. The jollof rice is made party rice style so if you’re really about that owambe life like P.C. you will love it. The Jollof spaghetti is also good but it kind of reminds me of the food they gave us in secondary school. The fish is good too, sometimes fried alone or fried with stew. They like to switch it up. There is beef in stew and just plain fried beef. I’m not a fan of the fried rice but my friends like it and well the chicken is just chicken. You can’t really mess that up. Unless you’re the Suya guy in Mami Market. Shaking my damn head.

So this one time I was talking to my friend Jiminey who went through bar 1 last year, I told him how happy I was about my new cheap and cheerful discovery. Jiminey could not let me be happy. He kindly pointed out that the food in the D hall is prepared with the food in the Mami Market. It didn’t even cross my mind I guess it was naïve for me to believe that there was a kitchen in the D hall or something. Sigh, it was good while it lasted. I haven’t really had food from the D hall since then. The thing is, the food in the D hall is fine, my friends have it all the time and they’ve had no issues tummy upset wise. I just don’t want to take any chances because the way my stomach is set up… Not worth it.