Dating with Godliness: Looking Beyond the Outward Appearance

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When you think of buying a house, one of the most important things you consider is the interior. As beautiful as the outside may look, you want to see what the inside really looks like. So before I go on about buying a house I want to get to my main point. I want to use buying a house as a metaphor on how we should be dating but unfortunately how we don’t.

When it comes to dating, a lot of us look at what is on the outside without ever really coming to terms with what lies on the inside. Like a house, our physical body is a shelter that protects what is really inside of us. Something very interesting I have heard is guys talking about the type of girls they would date. For example, a guy wouldn’t date a girl if she is not ‘light skinned’ or she doesn’t have certain features. What I see is a lot of focus on the outward appearance and little focus on what’s on the inside. It does not only apply to guys but also to girls too. For girls it might not only be a guy’s physical appearance but also the things he possesses i.e. expensive cars.

We need to understand that there is more to life than physical/ outward appearance. One thing we need to realize as Christians is that we are more than our physical being. The bible says a lot about focusing more on inner self and less on outward appearance. One of the things I realized is that our inner self is what God looks at and really works on. He says it in His word that “though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day” (2 Corinthians 4:16). He renews our minds, our heart, our inner desires and our character. These are the things that form our inner beauty and these are the things that we should focus on, as his children.

I am not saying that a person’s physical appearance is meaningless. If your physical appearance is not presentable then most people would not want to get to know what you have on the inside. However, I am saying that there should be a focus on things that are more important such as character. The bible encourages us to do this, so let’s explore some of the things that the bible speaks on about inner self:


“But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7). When Samuel was to anoint a new king, he looked at David, a small boy that appeared to little to be able to fit the position. But God warned Samuel not to judge by the outward appearance for the lord looks on the heart. What stood out to me was that – if a perfect God looks at the heart of people, then there must be something about the heart of a person. Also if He instructs us to guard our heart, then this heart must be very important. He wants us to pay close attention to the heart because it shapes a person’s intentions, and direction in life. The heart is internal and it is something we should focus on because if a person’s heart is wicked but his/her face is on point, you will still reap the wrath of their wickedness.

If a guy only compliments you or only likes you for your outward appearance, he has not seen something in you that differentiates you from other girls. Also if he can’t differentiate you from other girls, then he can easily move to one of other girls that have that same beauty, body or charm that you have.


“Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised” (Proverbs 31:30). Beautiful women and charming guys are easy to find these days but a man/woman with good, godly character is harder to find. It is nice to see a beautiful lady and it is very normal to be attracted to her, but charm is deceptive. There is more to a woman than her beauty. You need to look at her character. Samson is a famous biblical example of someone who focused on the outward appearance of Delilah and this led to his downfall. Delilah is described as a woman who used her personal charm to lure Samson to his spiritual and physical destruction” (Biblegateway). When you read about her, you see that her character was nothing to write on; she was very manipulative and greedy but Samson was too focused on her attractiveness that he could not see her character. It is very important to look at character because focusing on beauty alone can be misleading.


One thing we need to realise as Christians is that we are more than our physical being. We are spiritual beings living in a physical body. We are not even fighting a physical battle (Ephesians 6:12), and the devil knows this so he always wants us to focus on the things we can physically see while he handles the work behind the scenes. Just like Samson, he did not know that the devil could use “bae” (Delilah) to destroy him physically and spiritually. This does not mean that all girls are hidden “Delilah’s” but it means that we need to have a spiritual awareness even when dating. To do this, we need to look past the physical and activate our spiritual armor.

Just like when buying a house, when a decision is important to you, you will sit down to assess what you are getting into before you make a decision to pursue it. You take your time to get to know. A person that really is intentional about being with you and sees himself or herself marrying you, will be very much interested in your character.

If you really want to find a woman/man that is godly or you want to be in a godly relationship, you would have to look beyond the physical self and start looking at the inner self.

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