“Famzing”: A guide to avoid social humiliation

This part of our conversation reminded me very much of a few of my own experiences when I first moved back to Lagos and was completely unfamiliar with this concept of “famzing”. And like my friend, I was always very excited to see people I had not seen in a long time and eager to make new friends. However, very much to my disappointment, I soon found out that the social environment in Lagos was not very warm; rather, it was much like the current dust infused dry and cold weather this harmattan season. At first, I felt a little insecure about this particular behaviour where people you know, know exactly who you are (possibly due to Facebook or LinkedIn requests you received from them) but pretend not to when you see them in person at multiple social functions. I fell under the social trap and began to feel paranoid that these people thought I was attempting to “famz” with them.

So what is  famzing?

Famzing can be defined as the desperate attempt to familiarise oneself with those who think of themselves as – for lack of a better word – “cooler” than the person.

I complained to my family and like-minded friends about this appalling behaviour. But I sought comfort when they told me they experienced the same thing, and funny enough, from the same person or group of people I told them about. I immediately threw my insecurities out the window. So if you are in this state of paranoia about famzing, here are my recommendations to snap out of it:

1. Exercise some self-confidence: According to some of my wise elders, it turns out that these people who you may think are snubbing you are actually insecure themselves.
2. Look amazing: Yes, feel free to oppress them at these functions with your gorgeous outfit (especially for women…but please don’t go overboard to the point of discomfort).
3.  Have a good time: At these functions, if you clearly seem to be having a good time, then you attract other new friends, and so who cares about that one or two people who may have thought you were attempting to famz with them?
4. Be happy: Please don’t get upset if you were not greeted as you expected. There is more joy to life than the reliance of people’s acceptance of you.

If you are really ever in doubt, here are a few tips to avoid being perceived as a famzer :

1. Make eye contact with the person: Be subtle, but if the person is clearly trying to avoid you, then forget it.
2. Smile: If you receive a smile in return, then you’re one step closer.
3. Watch for body language: If the person displays open body language, then you’re almost there.
4. Approach: If you’re a woman and are already seated at a function, please stay seated (or if you’re standing, just stay where you are) and allow the person (if male) make 80% of the approach (that’s the way a gentleman should do it). You make the remaining 20%. (If it’s another woman, you may go 50:50).

1. Smile: Don’t scowl at strangers, only children below the age of 5 should be given leeway for doing this. Otherwise, it is simply just rude.
2. Say hi: If you notice someone is staring (not in a way that makes you uncomfortable), return with a smile and say hi. Then make the approach I described above.
3. Reciprocate: Please return and equal greeting gesture to what is offered. Don’t fold your arms if someone offers a handshake (if the person’s palms are at all exceptionally dirty, please buy those pocket-size hand sanitiser bottles or look for a woman who has one in her purse. Either way, they are not difficult to find).