My First Time #4

So my first time was impetuous, for lack of a more accurate word. I mean we were making out, clothes came off, body parts were touched and you know how it goes. But it never actually crossed my mind that part of the process was to then stick it in. I mean it should have right? But what was a naïve 15 year old supposed to know. My initial reaction was like “what the fuck?” because obviously we weren’t using a condom and as it turns out I wasn’t involved in the rash decision to have sex. So I quickly asked “What are you doing?”  and he replied “It’s fine I won’t cum inside you.”

Two thoughts immediately crossed my mind

1. Pretty sure you can still get pregnant this way.

2. So this is sex?

What an anti-climax. I vaguely remember if it was an enjoyable experience as a million and one things were going through my mind and I was doing my best to process what was actually happening. I mean sex was supposed to be a big deal. But in that second it was reduced to something so trivial. I’d say the whole ‘encounter’ lasted about 2 minutes (at least it felt that way).  As soon as it was over I was so disappointed in myself. I could just feel a cloud of shame hovering over my head. Yet I wanted to do it again. More out of curiosity I think. So we attempted it but it didn’t quite work out. I think my vagina had gone into protective mode so it wasn’t having any more. Was I comfortable? I suppose I was in that, he didn’t make me feel embarrassed about my body. But then I did feel a little violated when he kind of just shoved it in.

Do I regret it? Probably the thing I regret the most. But you know how people tell you never to regret anything and instead to take something from it and learn? Sometimes I think I would have been better off not ever having been through that or even met the guy so I don’t think it was worth the learning experience. Often times I discard this as my first time solely because it wasn’t something that was discussed beforehand. Yes you might roll your eyes and think “What did you think would happen after 30 minutes of making out?” But when I tell you it wasn’t even in my train of thoughts at all, I couldn’t be more honest. I, too, like most girls, was saving myself for that special someone. And within the blink of an eye, that dream disappeared.