He was my first proper boyfriend. I was 16. He was 18.
It was a sunny Sunday for a winter month and we had been together for 1 month 2 weeks and 2 days. We’d known each other for most of our young lives.
After a quick KFC dinner we went to our ‘usual spot’ (he used to drive) parked in a pitch black industrial estate. Small 2 door cars aren’t the most comfortable or spacious to cuddle your boyfriend in but we made the most of it by moving to the back seat. I was naïve to some degree. To my assumptions, he was knowledgeable on most things.
I had a skater dress on and he used this to his advantage. We kissed and hugged. Certain organs were touched. I sat facing him but I never once thought that we’d go further. He whispered “Shall I try it?” I didn’t even have a moment to register what exactly he’d just asked so I stayed silent. He took my silence as a yes. We had no previous conversation of this happening so soon so I did not even know what thoughts could run through my mind, as I adjusted my body for him to make me aware of the process. We did not use a condom. We weren’t prepared well. It must have slid in 2centimetres. I forgot to breathe out in panic so the pain became unbearable. I jumped off as fast as I could to the seat next to him and merged myself into the corner. I felt no emotion or thought: this wasn’t the feeling it’s usually portrayed as. Luckily for me I felt no regret as he was not a “one night stand” even though it was a short time into the relationship. Being so young we were working towards a future of some sort, so I felt like a real human when he hugged me so tight making sure I was safe and okay.
After this short yet painful encounter we relaxed in our ‘usual spot’ as we normally would, chatting, hugging and kissing. I went home and got into bed, I tossed and turned most of the night with lack of sleep; my tummy was throbbing. For the next day, my sheepish self could not get off the sofa. How could just 2cm’s make me feel this way? How could I possibly handle any more?
A week passed and we softly joked about the occurrence, nicknaming it BSA (after the T- Pain record- Backseat Action). It was a week day and all his family were at work. He got us breakfast in bed as we watched a movie. I started off with 5 pieces of clothing to only 2! He made me feel comfortable. I felt no pain!
We were together for 7 years. I will always treat my first time with respect. We never spoke about this experience happening when it did but they say the unexpected are usually the best moments. If I could change the sample piece in the car, I would have placed it into the bedroom as any ‘normal’ couple would. But that was us. We were young and in love. Nothing or no one could stop us… We thought we were the modern day Bonnie & Clyde!