There is this argument that women cheat more than men in relationships, but that they get away with it because they are better at hiding it. Following this increasingly popular opinion, we decided to if there is any truth to it. If so, what are the things that trigger women to cheat and how exactly do they feel after cheating? Ten Nigerian women share their experiences.
Enjoy!
Monica, 28
I’m just a regular person trying to be of good character and get lots of money as I grow older. I came to Nigeria for my cousin’s wedding. It was my first time home in over 12 years and I had been homesick for years. Upon my return, we went to visit a family friend. The moment I saw him, I knew I had to sample that. We started hanging out every day and were both obviously infatuated with each other. One day, I asked him to kiss me, and from then until the end of my trip, we made out severally. It was rather exciting. I had been with my partner since I was 19 and it felt nice to be desired by another. Honestly, the stress of the secret, hiding it from my partner and both of our families kind of added to the excitement. I got so carried away that I thought about running away with him to Cotonou or something. I think it was necessary so I could discover what I needed in a partner (I had cheated before, but it didn’t bang like that). It took a lot of work, crying, and fighting but my partner and I were able to shed a lot of expectations we had of each other and our relationship to just focus on being good to each other. This is coming up after 3 years of us sustaining and nurturing our bond while connecting with other people. I have my first real second boyfriend now and it’s amazing! I love him.
Wonu, 23
I cheated in 2018 with a married man. I was in a one-year-old relationship then. I met him at a friend’s birthday dinner. Although he knew I was in a relationship, he’d still buy me gifts. One day, we went out and ended up making out. We continued to text until we decided to meet up to have sex. We continued to meet for a while until I was no longer interested in my relationship. I didn’t know how to tell him. He loved me too much and I was scared of hurting him. I didn’t plan to cheat per se, it just happened. I guess I let my mind wander. I was sure I wasn’t going to get caught though. Looking back, I don’t regret it. I just wish I handled it better.
Tanya, 25
In 2016, I cheated with someone who liked me before I got into that relationship. It felt like he was always lurking in the background waiting for any potential slip-up. One day when I had just found out my boyfriend cheated, I hit the other guy up. My relationship had gone on for about 15 months at that time. My partner slept around with a bunch of women who would casually throw subs at me on social media. So, to get back at him, I cheated on him. We broke up, then got back together after he had promised to stop cheating. I believed him and stayed because I wanted it all. I’m not sure I loved him but I loved the idea of being his girlfriend. He never found out that I cheated, and I don’t feel bad about it. We are no longer together. I also have no regrets about it except that I didn’t get the satisfaction I hoped for.
Lara, 21
First things first, if you asked me to describe myself, I would say I’m a fun, sassy, ambitious girl; and a serial cheat. I cheated because I wasn’t totally over my ex and I didn’t trust my boyfriend. We both felt insecure in the relationship. My ex and I were friends, so it made the whole thing easy. I didn’t get caught but I think my boyfriend had a suspicion each time I cheated, so I would feel bad each time I cheated, then tell him about it. I’d apologize and we would talk things through, then I’d cheat again. It got to a point when I just stopped caring – I would cheat and not feel the need to apologize or feel guilty. Thinking about it, the only regret I have is staying in the relationship when I should have ended it. I could have, but I started to see them as serving different purposes. My boyfriend was for expressing my feelings and my ex was there for the adrenaline rush. Even now, I still cheat from time to time.
Naomi, 25
I have cheated twice in my life. Once in 2018 and the other earlier this year. The initial relationship lasted 7 months. He cheated on me and I was hurt, so I decided to hurt him in return. He started suspecting and got frustrated, which was exactly my aim. He ended things and I continued having sex with my fling so I didn’t feel bad. I started dating the guy I was cheating on my ex-boyfriend with, and I cheated on him too. He’s also cheated on me. I’ll keep cheating if I have to.
I can live with the regrets, but I can’t live with knowing they’ve not had a taste of their own medicine. I made my penultimate boyfriend come to my house knowing fully well that my current boyfriend who used to be my ex would be there. I wanted him to know. So, he came around, saw us, then left.
Melissa, 23
I was in a relationship that lasted for 3 months last year. At a point, I started to get distracted. I let my body take decisions for me. I think it was the hot sex. I had to go to school and my boyfriend and I had not had sex before I left. While I was in school, some guy started to make moves at me. The idea seemed great for a minute. I had a crush on him that predated my relationship at that time. The sex with this person was great. It continued because I liked it. As it went on, I got bored and started to grow out of the situation. I told him that I didn’t want to keep up with whatever went on between us. My ex-boyfriend never knew, neither did I tell him about it. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him. I grew cold, so I kept my distance until we broke up. I regret every minute of it. Leaving the relationship was necessary though because I needed to feel some relief.
Derin, 23
I’m a very wild, unpredictable, and carefree person. I’m always willing to do crazy things, but I do them lowkey because my parents are well known. I cheated last year. I thought I had found someone I loved until he offended me greatly. I wanted to get back at him in some way. I cheated on him with a guy my friend had introduced to me. He was also in a relationship. I had one of the best sexual experiences ever with him. I realized after the incident that I wasn’t attracted to my boyfriend anymore so if there was any positive thing- it inspired me to leave that relationship.
Monett, 25
I’m a terrible liar. I always slip up. The first time I cheated was 3 months into the relationship. I was bored and I had liked the other guy before I got into the relationship. My boyfriend found out when I gave him my phone to repair. I wanted to leave but he said “it’s your first real relationship. Things like this happen. We can fix it.” That was it. Every time I got bored, I cheated. Every time he found out, he would get upset; sometimes we would break up. But he would always come back. A lot of times, I just look for short-term excitement. It’s been 5 years. It’s crazy because I actually don’t see myself being with anyone else but him. So yes, maybe you can actually love someone but still cheat on them. I won’t say I regret it but I need him to realize he deserves better.
Ella, 28
I am hyper-sexual, manic-depressive, and I have a phobia for commitments in a relationship. It’s probably a bit easier to remember when I haven’t cheated. I think the first time I cheated was sometime between 2005-2008 and it was with several people, to be honest. But it was mostly with the first guy I ever had sex with. I wasn’t infatuated with him or anything, but I learned a lot from him about sex and men in general. I was just moving single regardless of whether I had a guy or not. I called it “having your cake and eating it”. I got caught while at it though. My boyfriend signed into my MSN messenger and started a chat with the guy I was having sex with. The dude said some shit unwittingly. The whole drama left me with no choice but to confess to the rest. He was distraught, as you would imagine. He called me all sorts of names out of anger. He forgave me eventually and we stayed together for a while longer. But he had major trust issues after that, so I got a tattoo with his name on it to make him feel better. I have covered the tattoo with my new man’s name now sha. I wish I didn’t get it. I don’t feel bad about it. One key thing I learned with the experience was how to not get caught.