Nigerian Lives: 3 Kinksters Tell Us What It’s Like Practising BDSM In The Country

When you hear the word ‘BDSM’, what comes to mind are chains, whips or the movie ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’. While this is partly correct, I’d like to bring to your attention that BDSM is beyond that. BDSM which means Bondage, Discipline or Domination, Sadism or Submission, Masochism is any sexual practice involving kinks like exerting physical bondage, accepting and rejecting dominance, servitude, and the administering of pain. A kink in this context means a sexual preference or activity considered unusual or strange. In other words, it is a practice that trumps conventional sex. Examples of kinks are voyeurism, handcuffs, humiliation, body worship, spanking paddles, and many more.

In Nigeria, sex, public displays of affection, desire, and sexual preferences are regarded as unacceptable and as expected, kinksters remain discreet. Typically, this disapproval is only a disguise as many indulge in various sexual activities behind closed doors but keep it under wraps to appear spotless or avoid criticisms. As someone who practices BDSM in Nigeria, your identity and safety are a priority. To evade judging eyes and reduce the risk of encountering the wrong people, it is advisable to refrain from revealing your sexual preferences to just anyone. For this episode of Nigerian lives, we reached out to 3 kinksters to share their BDSM experience.

James, 25

BDSM Role: Top and Dominant

I discovered BDSM through porn. I identify as a top (someone who gives action in a BDSM scene) or dominant (someone who takes an upper role in a psychological power exchange). I deal with married submissives. I like mature women or cougars (35 upwards). Some are married, others are not. BDSM is not something you can openly reveal to people, especially in this country where everything is seen as taboo unlike countries like USA and Germany where BDSM is a culture and an open fetish. Here, you have to hide it, especially as a woman because people will look at you like you lack morals or home training. I like rape fantasies (my job is to actually sneak in and act like a burglar. So I can actually slap her and we behave like it’s a rape scene). I also use a rope on my submissives, meaning I am a rigger. I am also a bull for cuckold couples (couples can hire me to fuck their wife). Before I meet my client, they tell me how they want to be treated. Those who enjoy pain tell me what they want me to use on them. After the session, I ensure they are okay and well. I get feedback from them before they go home to find out if they enjoyed what we just did. I have a BDSM community and sometimes we host BDSM parties where people can express themselves and show off their kinks.

Chukwudi, 26

BDSM Role: Submissive

I am not going to say my BDSM experience has been rosy but it has been enlightening. After a few experiences, research, enquiries, and seeing movies, I officially got into the lifestyle in March 2021. I think it’s a journey because I am beginning to understand who I am and what I enjoy. My kinks are very specific. I like to be spanked, beaten, and tied up. I love to worship boobs and ass and also enjoy being bitten especially in the necks. I love being told what to do. Letting a woman take control and being in charge of me is nice. It’s kind of fascinating and being submissive as a man may seem off due to the role assigned to us in our society. I feel in as much as you are a man who takes charge and does things, you should have a vulnerable side where you can get loose and be your real self. I enjoy being a submissive however, practising it is not quite it given that this society is conservative and hypocritical. The law doesn’t prohibit it but public scrutiny will prevent the practices from being mainstream. I have to be secretive about my practice or lifestyle. There are people who are open about it and I am not sure I will anytime soon. You have to be careful so you don’t fall into the wrong hands. Luckily some of us have been able to network. I won’t advise anyone to be open about practising BDSM. Being a kinkster is worth it but you just have to be careful

Amelia, 25

BDSM Role: Switch

I have known about BDSM for a while but I have been practising it for 3 years. I am a switch. I am 70 per cent dominant and 30 per cent submissive. In this situation, I am more submissive to women and more dominating to men. For me, BDSM is fun, and thrilling, and can be unfulfilling when you meet certain people and you can’t really express yourself. In BDSM, you find people with different kinks like getting excited or sexually aroused off being humiliated or experiencing pain. There has to be two or more consenting adult if not it is abuse.

I remember telling someone about BDSM and she scoffed. I believe if you don’t know it, you don’t know it. I have attended a few BDSM parties where we met and introduced ourselves but I think it is safer to meet people online. You also have to trust your instincts and intuition to associate with certain people especially if you have a bondage kink. You can’t let a stranger tie you up. What if he or she kills you? Meeting experienced people is not easy, some can be faking it.

*This article is based on real-life events. Names used are mere pseudonyms to protect the identities of the individuals mentioned in the article.

Nigerian Lives is a Culture Custodian weekly series where we hear from Nigerians who share tidbits about what it’s like to live in this country. It goes up every Monday.

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