Modern dating and romance will always be a hot topic in today’s world. Love and relationships are a core part of the human experience, and people have been satisfying their need for romantic longing for ages. At the core, nothing is new, but the introduction of social media through technology into our everyday existence is shaping the dynamics of dating and romance in seemingly new and interesting ways.
One of them is the advent of social media standards for dating culture. This development can be directly linked to the use of social media as unofficial dating apps. When people come online, follow each other, share their stories, experiences, highs and lows, it may brew into desire and romance. With social media, these standards and norms are often amplified expectations between young people, deciding what is supposedly obtainable, acceptable, and, of course, abominable.
The truth is—more than we like to admit, human beings are social animals, and appeal and validation from people that we hold in esteem will always matter, online and offline. This is one of the reasons social media has wielded quite the impact on our dating expectations and culture in unique ways for different people. In a bid to find out how these online standards translate into reality, we spoke to four people on what their contextualized dating experience has been, as young social-media-savvy Nigerians.
Esosa,21
I like to think of my social media persona as funny and a bit opinionated. In the aspect of dating, social media has definitely impacted my expectations. It has also helped me paint a picture of what an ideal relationship will look like for me. I grew up in a setting where vulnerability wasn’t the norm. My parents aren’t touchy or very vulnerable. But I read a lot of books, and being a romantic has made me have an idealistic expectation of relationships. I want a rom-com type of relationship.
One dating standard I believe in is getting the “princess treatment” from a love interest or partner. It’s a social media expectation that I don’t mind. I also kind of like the idea of a soft launch. To be honest, the biggest influence on my dating culture remains my friends. Not to say that I do not have a mind of my own, but my friends’ opinions count.
I think the current dating scene is a mess and the ghetto. Thanks to social media, of course. Everyone is so guarded about how they approach romance now. Nobody wants to be a fool, and when both parties are guarded, vulnerability is hard. I have dated people off social media, had situationships there too, and my verdict is when you follow someone on social media, especially on an app like X (formerly known as Twitter), you’re exposed to their thoughts for a prolonged period, and you start to believe that you know them. To an extent, you do, but at the end, experiencing them in real life is different. Most times, I get disappointed when I go face to face with reality. Perception is also a big thing on social media, and people sometimes want to know you, solely to demystify you, and that never ends well.
OG,26
I’m multifaceted and creative, and my social media honestly just mirrors that. There’s a part of me that mirrors my professionalism and my goofy side, but I tend to stay off controversial topics a lot. Observing the dating culture through social media has taught me a lot. Though I have been able to learn and unlearn so many things about dating. I’ve also been online long enough to know that there are social media standards, but I don’t subscribe to them because there’s no singular blueprint for dating. What works for one person wouldn’t work for another. My biggest influence on my dating culture is experiences, sexual orientation, financial stability, and age. I don’t really care about social currency, so I have never considered dating someone because of that. In my opinion, social media is the biggest issue with the current dating scene. People tend to have an exaggerated idea of dating, and their expectations are often shattered when met with reality. I’ve had a brief thing with someone off social media, but it didn’t last because I couldn’t cope in a long-distance relationship.
The one dating rule I don’t subscribe to is that you don’t need money before you start dating. I strongly believe you must be financially stable.
Wani, 24
I’d say my social media persona is very vocal and funny. I’m quite expressive there as well. To be fair, I think social media has affected my own dating culture because how people come across online has affected my willingness to explore dating them. I generally believe there are social media dating standards, e.g., whoever invites someone out on a date should pay, which I agree with. I also agree with the rule of searching certain keywords against a love interest’s handle and paying attention to their thoughts and ideologies on different topics. This is important to me as a feminist and woman to thoroughly vet my love interest’s social media.
The biggest influence on my dating choices is how attractive I find my love interests. Money is also an important factor for me. I like certain things, and I have expectations when it comes to exclusive dating. How well we sync and complement each other also matters to me. These are core dating values I have that I won’t budge on.
I don’t like social media as much as I used to. I realized this when I was considering dating someone with a high social currency, and it’s because I don’t like having people’s noses up in my business. I’d describe the current dating scene in Lagos as very obscene and absurd, and it’s all thanks to social media. Social media has given people certain unrealistic expectations of what a typical relationship should look like, which isn’t really obtainable for many people in reality. Pop culture is another major influence. The Andrew Tate incels, who believe that women shouldn’t be treated with respect and that men who do it are simps, have affected how men treat women these days. People want casual relationships but also want a solid emotional structure, and that’s just crazy.
I met my ex on Twitter, and it was good while it lasted. We were pretty vocal about our relationship, but I’d do less of that now. My ex used social media as a tool in that relationship because he was very “show-telly,” and he painted a different picture from what we had at the time. I can’t date someone from X ever again, but maybe some other app.
Emeka, 27
I’m a funny guy, and I love football. So my social media mirrors that. Social media has definitely affected many aspects of my life, especially dating. Women are not good people, and I’ve had to learn that. I know there are many social media dating standards, numerous, but one I really subscribe to is helping out your partners in a relationship, making their life easier. Prince or princess treatment or nothing at all. If you like me, you have to treat me well. The biggest influence on my dating culture is honestly all the bad experiences I’ve had. In high school, yeah, I might have tried dating someone because of their social currency, but recently nope. I believe social currency only works for people who have no real currency.
The current dating scene in Lagos is full of cheating. I won’t say much, but it is what it is. Social media has shown me that people can be fake and just do stuff to appear or appeal a certain way. The one social media construct I’ll never agree with is the idea that only men should chase women. I’m a hot boy, I also want to be chased.