Co-written by Eseosa Idemudia & Tomi Idowu
In response to my post about Nigerian girlfriends and their never ceasing anger, a friend got the idea to do a post about Nigerian boys. Nigerian fuckboys or Yoruba Demons to be very precise. So yeah, I’m here, not alone this time, to keep pushing the culture forward, one post at a time. This time, it’s with expressions you’ll hear from your Nigerian boyfriend that suggest he’s a Yoruba demon and trying to play with your destiny.
1.”I am not one of them”
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. This is one of the biggest ones you get as he’s trying to defend his name and suggest he’s not a demon. He’ll repeat this particular one so much and then proceed to give that friend you no longer care for. Most times it’s not cos he’s actually a Yoruba demon but cos he wants gives. Or maybe he’s just a Yoruba demon.
2.”I think we should just keep us lowkey.”
If he hits you with this one, he probably has a wife, six kids and three side chicks. Wife’s in America, side chick 1’s in Dubai for summer, the other two live in Port Harcourt and Abuja. He cannot go the holiday without a little bit of action so now he wants you to be that action. The plan is you collect the kondo on the low and then he can return to wifey wherever she is whenever the holiday ends.
3.”You’re the only girl I talk to.”
Hahahaha. He pulled that one on you. He’s a Yoruba Demon. This is a game of chess and you’re just a piece. If you get captured by whoever the hell you get captured by, my mans will move on with alacrity. If you’re not forthcoming, someone else will become the “only girl” he talks to.
4.”I’m so done with her.”
This is your man on his ex. The same ex he’s trying to tension to give him cos they’ve still got that connection. The same ex on his Snapchat, Twitter and Whats App. He’s done with her but the moment he figures she’ll do all the bad things again, your boy will trade you in and go and play his away game.
5.”I have table at *insert club name*”
Some say I wasn't ready… Disregard what "they" say. pic.twitter.com/fdK1wbJD11
— LEGEND (@ChriStylezz) July 25, 2016
This is the ultimate Yoruba demon expression. Let me tell you how this works. He talks to you for a bit. Asks if you’re out Friday and you say no. He convinces you to come out cos he and his boys have their weekly table at Escape/Vapors/57 or wherever. You finally agree. You expect all through the night he shall care for you like you’re an angel. Lies Lies Lies. He’ll cop his whine like the one in the video above and then proceed to bring another shawty to the table with the same speed he did you.
6. “Why do we need to label this.”
Basically, it’s summer and here he is thinking you shall be his summer small chops. And now you’re here trying to be his wife. No no no no no, he shall not let it happen, don’t you know that he needs to be free? If he hits you with this, my friend, you’re in it for more than he is and you better wake up.
7. “I’m seeing her but I’m not with her.”
This one speaks for itself to be very honest. He has her as his Twitter DP and all over his Instagram but they’re not together. When you’re not there, it’s the same damn way he’ll describe the two of you. Till the day you go on Facebook and see wedding pictures. Then you’ll ask and be told it was for a photo shoot.
8. “What exactly counts as cheating?”
So you caught him red handed but instead of just coming clean this nigga is gonna deny till the end. “Babes I didn’t even smash” “She was all over me”. This is all to part of the preliminary stage of denial. Eventually sha he’ll cave and the next thing he’ll say is “define cheating?”