We Need Better Men In Our Society

“For I think that to be beaten and to be put to death is sometimes better than to do what is wrong,” Socrates says in Plato’s Georgias. This pithy statement encapsulates the Socratic view on masculinity, which resists the Homeric obsession with honor through violence. In his day, Socrates’ single-minded focus on moral integrity as the true test of masculinity stood in contrast to the dominant notions of masculinity, making him something of an outlier. Masculinity was predicated on one’s dominance over women, slaves, and younger men; by one’s wealth and reputation; or one’s wartime heroics. Socrates instead posited a version of masculinity defined by stoicism, pragmatism, and faithfulness to one’s moral compunctions. There’s nothing inherently wrong with Homeric masculinity. Indeed, in certain situations, its tendency for values such as defiance and valor can prove invaluable. However, taken to the extreme, as in the case of the manosphere figures of today, it becomes the perfect breeding ground for hateful behavior. 

HBO’s Game of Thrones skillfully probes the tension between these competing notions of masculinity. Jon Snow, the show’s protagonist, represents the apotheosis of this tension. Across the series, he oscillates between the Homeric and Socratic ideals of masculinity. In the second episode of the fifth season, one of the most emotionally fraught of the show, Snow, who had become Lord Commander, orders the execution of Janos Slynt for insubordination. At the moment, Snow appears to be caught in the thrall of the Homeric tendency for excessive displays of power. But just before the sword falls, Slynt begs, whimpering and blubbering as he struggles to come to terms with his fate. Snow, seeing Slynt unraveling, is visibly shaken; he hardens his expression and hesitates, sword held high. There’s a long, tense pause that throbs with tension. Should he satiate his Homeric desire for vengeance or yield to the Socratic spirit of magnanimity? After mulling over these choices for what feels like an eternity, he executes him—cleanly, without spectacle. 

History can similarly be considered through the lens of these competing ideals. Societies are constantly in flux, torn between these views on masculinity. While world leaders like Nelson Mandela, who refused vengeance after decades of imprisonment, and Barack Obama, have embodied the Socratic ideals of integrity and pragmatism, others like Vladimir Putin and Donald Trump, reenacting the imperiousness  of Achilles from the Iliad, have tested the limits of Homeric masculinity. In the mid-2010s, the world seemed to embrace  Socratic masculinity. This era celebrated figures like Barack Obama, Trevor Noah, and Bobi Wine, who were known for embodying a version of masculinity that prized vulnerability, ethical dialogue, gracefulness, intellectual curiosity, and civic dialogue. The #MeToo and Black Lives Matter (BLM) movements, whose ripple effects were felt across the world, played a huge role in amplifying Socratic masculinity by reframing strength, not as aggression but as accountability, vulnerability, and empathy. 

This trend has, however, reversed, and a toxic strain of Homeric masculinity is once again on the rise, impelled by acerbic rhetoric from strongman politicians like Trump and Putin, and manosphere figures like Andrew Tate, Elon Musk, and Joe Rogan. In Nigeria, a growing cohort of red-pilled influencers, led by figures like Wizarab and Jon Doe, are spreading the contagion of misogyny to impressionable young men. 

These red-pilled figures are by no means the originators of the thick fog of misogyny that hangs over Nigerian society. Nigeria’s patriarchal society has always been given to misogyny. It’s reflected not just in casual interactions but in our laws. However, these influencers—Wizarab, Jon Doe, and their ilk—seamlessly married traditional Nigerian misogyny with the puerile redpillism from the West, creating a fiendishly potent blend that has captured the imagination of many young men. Their guiding principles are both inane and dangerously simple: masculinity is defined by wealth, brute strength, and predominance over women; women are fundamentally inferior to men; finally, feminism is a blight on society and must be purged from the world. It’s this rabid ideology that has motivated the smear campaign directed at Ayra Starr. 

Weeks ago, the ridiculous rumor that the artist smells surfaced on social media, seemingly out of nowhere. Before long, conspiracy-addled accounts amplified this narrative to cosmic proportions, using clips and screenshots taken out of context. The various champions of this smear campaign each have distinct motivations. Ayra Starr recently released her second collaborative single with Wizkid. Hardline opposition fans have taken this as a clear sign that Ayra Starr has sided with Wizkid in the long-running stan war that has defined the Afropop scene in the past decade, which automatically makes her a target of their derision. There’s also the allegation that Jaywon, who has been made into a piñata, a practical joke,  since a picture of him being spurned by Ayra Starr surfaced, instigated the incident by paying influencers to skewer Ayra Starr. Regardless of the veracity of these claims and their possible roles in fomenting the rumors, the reality is that the smear campaign only caught on because there was an existing malaise towards Ayra Starr.

Being a successful woman is enough reason to earn antagonism in Nigeria’s profusely misogynistic society. We see this dynamic every other day. The notion that successful women can’t make good wives and therefore pose a threat to the traditional family structure is a common patriarchal talking point in the country. Successful women are routinely shamed and accused of having acquired their wealth through the largesse of men. I was recently in an Uber where the driver argued with a female driver. As she drove off, he hissed and said, “And if you check, na her husband buy am this car.” This strain of interactions is rife in the country, but women who openly identify as feminists open themselves up to a higher level of antagonism. 

Ayra Starr is famously a feminist and, in social media speak, a “girls’ girl.” Her interactions on social media are pointedly decentered from straight men and instead inclined towards women and gay men. But it’s not just that, she has also earned a reputation for squaring off to misogynistic trolls with cheeky rebuttals. In 2023, after one incident where a vast number men on X criticized her for her trademark short skirts, moaning about her perceived rejection of conservative values, she posted a picture in which she wears a cropped top and a short skirt and captioned it “Just another cute picture to gag the Agbayas and inspire the girlies.” 

Her refusal to pander to men and her unflinching resolve in the face of bullying is what has created the desire in a lot of men to humble her. So when the unhinged rumor that she smells surfaced, they grabbed onto it with fastidious intensity and milked it for what it was worth. This is a clear manifestation of Homeric masculinity—the compulsion to bully, to subjugate, to attack, as a show of “masculine” valor. This is the contagion that is increasingly pervading our society. The rise of manosphere figures in addition to Elon Musk hacking off the guardrails on the internet’s foremost town hall, has created the ideal environment for hate, particularly towards women, to thrive. 

The seeming pervasiveness of toxic Homeric masculinity in our society might seem inescapable, a suffocating fog that has ineluctably imposed itself on us all. But the situation can be salvaged, there’s hope in sight. Toxic masculinity has advanced this far because of the relative reticence within the ranks of progressive men to provide an alternative vision of masculinity. Young men in Nigeria are increasingly being swayed by figures like Musk, Trump, Wizarab, Jon Doe, and more recently SocietyHatesJay, because men with values, men who hew according to the Socratic tradition of integrity, have chosen to fold their arms and moan hopelessly about society’s rapid slump towards dereliction. Something is deeply fractured in today’s society. We need better men in society, and for that to happen, men with ideals need to wrest control of the situation by promoting an alternative vision of masculinity in today’s world.