It was 2009 and I was in his room, on his bed, his laptop balanced precariously on my thighs. I was wearing his sweatshirt – it was two sizes too big but I swear I looked cute in it. He came in and I slipped off the bed and moved to hug him from behind, but he shrugged me off quickly and said, rather tightly, “Not now. I need to pray.”
I felt humiliated, but I sat back down and watched him. It wasn’t my first time seeing a Muslim pray; In high school, I would go into my friend’s room to watch her pray, sitting as quietly as possible so as not to make her laugh during her prayers.
However, it was the first time I watched someone I was involved with pray. Unfortunately, it was my last. Every guy who came after never shared their moments of solitude and quietness with God, in my presence. It’s not as if they never prayed – I went to church with my college boyfriend every Sunday until we broke up – but they never prayed in front of me, around me, close to me or even for me. One guy was Catholic enough to have a picture of Mary hanging on his wall, but that was it. We talked about everything but God. We shared countless moments, memories and conversations but none of them were centered on God or our varying faiths or how including God could help build and uplift our relationship.
But you see, between 2008-2013, I was not that invested in my prayer life. I prayed, don’t get me wrong, but I didn’t do it because I wanted to connect and converse with God. I prayed because I felt I had to as a Christian. My prayer life was mundane. I almost resented God for wanting us to communicate with him. That’s how much I disliked praying (I mean how dare you God! It’s not like you made this great sacrifice for me or anything.)
My prayer life took a complete 360° turn when I recommitted myself (back) to God. I pray everywhere now. When I wake up, when I walk to the gym, during my workout, after my workout (because really the strength to survive an hour workout!), on my way back home and even on my way to the bus stop/tube station. Talking to God has become such a salient part of me now that I cannot see myself choosing a partner who does not value the importance of prayer.
Every praying woman deserves a praying man. Yes, deserves.
If you are on your knees everyday or in your prayer closet pouring your heart out to God, you deserve a man who can hold a conversation with God; a man who desires to talk to God on the same level that you do. It’s so important to be on the same page with your partner spiritually. If you can pray for him, then he should want to pray for you as well. If you desire to put him in your prayers, that desire should be imminent in your partner too. You have absolutely no business building with a man who cannot and does not want to pray. There is nothing he can do for you, and I know this train of thought seems a little extreme, but the truth can be a difficult pill to swallow.
A man who cannot pray will stand in the background while you go through your trials and your storms. He will offer only the most superficial help – maybe a hug or a shoulder rub – but you don’t need that. You deserve a man who will hold your hand and boldly say “Let us pray about this.” You deserve a man who will call you and pray with you over the phone. You deserve a praying man.
One of the most recent guys always closed up when I asked him to pray for me. He gave excuses, sometimes shrugging off my requests with a resigned, “I don’t know man, that’s long.” It seemed as if I was asking for far too much and it was against our unwritten dating contract. I, on the other hand, prayed for him regularly. For every job interview, test, problem or stressful situation he had, I always offered to pray for him because praying for someone I love is part of my nature. There were times he asked me to pray for him and I always jumped at the opportunity, but I never stopped to question his reluctance to return the favor. It wasn’t until after we dissolved our relationship that I had to take a step back and really understand that there was big chunk of God missing from our relationship.
A praying man is necessary in your relationship. You need a support system to have your back when your problems start to pile up. You need a man who can not only be the head (Eph 5:23), but who can carry the responsibilities that come with being the head. What are you going to do with a man who can’t talk to God about you? What purpose is he serving in your life? Are you forming temporary relationships or are you drawing close to a person who can uplift and push you forward?
Backsliding occurs so easily in relationships, especially if you are the weaker partner. But if you happen to be the stronger partner and you are involved with a weak man, how could you possible work through the temptation when he isn’t even praying for strength? It’s impossible. If you’re working, he should be working too. This isn’t rocket science; going into a relationship with your priorities together is an absolute necessity. Think Amos 3:3. “Can two walk together unless they are agreed?” You can’t be at level 100 with your prayer life and your partner is lagging behind, making no effort to work on his relationship with God.
If something is important to you, don’t lessen its value just to make someone feel more comfortable.
Will you please man or God?
James 5:16
Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.