9 Ways Nigerian Men Can Be Better Allies To Women

From sexual harassment, economic inequality, misogynistic laws that allow for political exclusion to harmful cultural practices against women and domestic violence in the home, Nigerian women deal with a lot to deal with in a country that is arguably one of the worst places to be female in the world. The recent rejection of gender bills in the National Assembly proves that we have a long way to go in the fight for gender equality. Since the fight for gender equality is a human rights issue that affects everyone, not just a women’s issue, men have a role to play in challenging the power dynamics and influencing change. Dear Nigerian men, here are nine ways to be better allies to women:

Educate Yourself On Women’s Issues And The Movement

Nigerian women have been dealing with inequality and fighting for equality for several years so educating yourself is the first step. To be a good ally, you need to do your homework on history and what’s happening today. Being knowledgeable on the facts will help you understand where women are coming from and what you can do to help. 

Listen More

When women do speak up about their discriminatory experiences, pay attention. Refrain from interrupting, mansplaining, or telling them how they could have avoided the situation. Simply focus on what is being said even if you can not relate. Listening to women encourages other women to speak up in a society that constantly silences survivors. Artiste Edidiong Udoema chimes in saying, “Men should keep quiet and listen. Like, simmer down. Yes, we know everyone has opinions but when your opinions are trying to invalidate another person’s feelings based on an experience that they have and you don’t even have, I think you should calm down and listen to what they have to say and try to do things that would help alleviate the pain.”   

Avoid Gaslighting or Blaming Victims 

It takes a lot for women to speak up about abuse and other worst-case scenarios. Unfortunately, they are often blamed or gaslighted. As a man trying to be a better ally, avoid doing either. Ask them about how you can offer support and look for ways to act in solidarity. “When you see a woman abused and in need of support, you should be available to help instead of gaslighting and finding excuses for their abuser,” PR guy Damilare wisely says.  Remember it is not your experience, so do not blame her for her situation or invalidate her story. Rather, look for ways to ease her pain or make her feel better. The aim is to take her out of a bad situation and not encourage her to dwell in it. 

Be Comfortable With Being Uncomfortable

We imagine that is not easy to hear about the things that men do to women or that some stories may hit too close to home causing shame or anxiety but this is not about you. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable by learning and interacting more with women.

Be Respectful of Safe Spaces For Women 

Safe places for women are not as many as we would like so tread carefully when you gain access into these spaces. These spaces make women feel comfortable to share their experiences without feeling ashamed or judged and find support while strategizing for a better society. Before you speak, remember you are there to listen and offer your help. “Whatever platform women want to use to express themselves, they should be allowed to do so without any trouble. The least you can do as a man is to allow them to speak out and raise awareness to any issue they face in society,” says artist and producer Begho.

Treat Women As Equals

Women are often viewed as less than men so they are not taken seriously or acknowledged in society. Being an ally requires that you do the opposite. Treat the women you come across as fellow human beings and encourage other men to do the same. Charles says, “In all works of life, treat them as equals like you will treat yourself and other human beings. In the workspace, home, religious gathering, treat them right.”

Partner With The Women Who Are Doing The Work

It is not enough to call yourself an ally, you have put in the work. Use your social capital (access, knowledge, resources and influence) to support the women’s associations, organizations, and platforms that fight for women’s rights. Do not assume you know the best way to help, instead ask how you can best support their efforts.

Do Not Be A Bystander 

If you see a woman being abused or harassed online or elsewhere, stand up for her, report to the police or call for help. Do not ignore any form of violence at home, at the workplace, or in public spaces. Avoid sharing content that belittles women. Do not use discriminatory language or hate speech.

Be A Better Man

The best way to be an ally is to become a better man. A man committed to fighting sexism as much as possible in your interactions with women. Let the stories you have heard push you to do better and encourage other men to be better. This is the best way to show your allyship.