My First Time 2.0 #1

I was raised in a devoutly Christian home in which we were taught certain dos and don’ts. My earliest memory of an exposition to sex was watching a bunch of young people singing about avoiding HIV/AIDS by not having casual sex. My family’s stance on it became clear to me only during a church sermon on purity. We discussed later that it was important to “keep oneself until marriage” and there was no reasoning after that really. It was literally last year before I left to college where the conversation about sex became a major talking point amongst all the families I visited before I headed out. The one question that came to mind was: Why did they leave it so late? I had already learnt about everything that a teenager with friends would know about it without actually experiencing it. I had just moved with the idea that it would make me impure, and I didn’t believe that was enough. As the talk became more frequent, the explanations became a little more detailed such as not having to be addicted to something that is not necessarily beneficial, and sex being a reward for staying pure. I got on board with all those as in truth, I am a firm believer in the Word and things seemed as if they were going to stay the same until I was actually faced with the situation.

On the Friday of Valentine’s week, I hosted my girlfriend at a friend’s apartment where I cooked and set up a movie for her. After the movie we sat down and started to talk and through all that I began to figure out that she was just so… right. As I reached out to kiss her I assumed my night was over from then. I was brutally mistaken. As we began touching each other more intimately, things just began escalating. What intrigued me at that point was that I was not even resisting. I innocently asked her to stay the night as I thought I would just do the same thing I would do with any other girl… “Cuddle.” As I carried her and kept on kissing her in the room, I lay down on top of her as if it was the most natural thing in the world. I still continued to resist resistance. As she “went down” on me I was still not thinking about anything that my parents, aunties and uncles had bombarded me on before I left. The satisfaction I derived from the experience was all that mattered at that point. When she finished, my mind was made up. I asked her if she wanted to go all the way. She responded as not only a good girlfriend, but a good friend would and reminded me of my beliefs. The words that came out of my mouth; that made me conclude my views on sex right now were “I think you are the right one.”

Although it sounded corny, I actually believed she was the one and she continues to prove it every day. With my belief in the Bible still strong yet having committed this “sin,” I came to my conclusion that doing it with the right person makes it all worthwhile. I don’t know exactly how I felt about it. It wasn’t as hyped as people said it would be. Sliding in, sliding out, and a couple of other things for a few hours and that was it. I think the main enjoyment I got from it was that I was doing it with someone that I wanted to do it with. She was the right one. The guilt was definitely there the next morning. I had convinced myself that there was no way I was going to “lose myself” before marriage. It was only when I found comfort within myself that although I had fallen by the wayside because of this, I had firstly been comfortable enough to agree to do it and that I was still loved by God anyway.