I’m going vegan.
My Fulani ancestors are weeping in their graves. How will I tell my parents? What have I done?!
On Sunday, I watched a documentary on the effects of livestock rearing on global warming. It enlightened me on the extent to which farming (especially cattle) is destroying the planet. The facts are alarming to say the least. If you want to watch the documentary, it’s called Cowspiracy and it’s on Netflix. They named it Cowspiracy because of the conspiracy behind the meat industry. People who have spoken out against its detrimental effects have been kept under the FBI’s surveillance and one nun in the Amazon was killed. Listen, it’s wild. You should watch the documentary. It’s the most convincing argument for veganism I have ever seen.
My meat treachery will come as a surprise to anyone who knows me since I spend a lot of time making fun of vegans and I love meat. Make that looooooooooove meat. Just last week I cooked a gorgeous pot of chicken curry. Ever since I made this decision I have been having random flashbacks to the delicious medium rare steaks I’ve eaten in the past, wondering how I would cope if never have another FOR EVER. It’s sad. I was at the library trying to concentrate on my work but all I wanted to do was crawl under the desk and stay there where bad things don’t happen to good people. Dear spicy tuna rolls, I miss you already.
In fact, ravening carnivore though I was, I was always not-so-slightly uncomfortable with the idea of eating meat. I used to not be able to eat chicken if I was the one who cleaned it because then the reality of its death would be too hard for me to ignore. Just in the short term though; I always got over it eventually. I am the same person who said annoying things like, “OK, you have some good reasons but none of them sound as good as meat tastes” to vegan evangelists. One vegan got so mad at that she suggested I start doing drugs since I don’t care about the harmful effects of ‘good’ things. Joke’s on her though, I was high on meth at the time. If my parents are reading this, I’d like to apologise. From now on, I will only do drugs that grow directly from the ground.
My plan is to immediately cut out meat, fish and dairy from my diet. Well, not immediately per say. I still have leftovers in my fridge. I bought the chicken fillet in my freezer last week and the tin of sardine in my food cupboard months ago so I might as well bid a tearful adieu to them. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “this one is not serious”. But I am. I just don’t know how it will help the environment if I waste what I already have! I bought them before I made this decision, okay? I just won’t buy more. I’m committed. I’m on it. I have already started drafting an email to my drycleaners asking what detergent they use and whether its tested on animals. Tomorrow I am going to my local Waitrose to find out what they bleach my sugar with and if they use manure to fertilise my tomatoes.
Simply, I don’t see any other lifestyle options for me after watching that documentary. To me this is an act of worship. The way I see it, God gave us this planet and looking after it is a sacred obligation. I can kid myself into thinking that turning off my lights and recycling makes me a good enough environmentalist but I know I’ll feel like a hypocrite if I continue to make negative contributions. The adjustment period will be tough. I know that. But I am hopeful. Maybe it will be an adventure! I think blogging about my journey will keep me motivated and accountable but the main reason I’ve decided to do it is so I can convert as many people as possible. I’m not kidding. There’s no point in me doing this if I’m doing it alone so prepare yourselves for all the delicious tofu recipes with pictures of me having fun eating them.
P.S. This is big deal because I have never been on any kind of diet before. Wish me luck.