Long Distance and Other Long Stories

Reader:

So I was riding solo not doing much in terms of the guys you know, then out of nowhere, some guy tells me he likes me. We start talking and in maybe a month I begin liking him.  owever, the problem is, graduation is a couple weeks away and we aren’t from the same country. After graduation we’re both going to uni in the same country but we’re not going to be that close to each other and I’m not in love enough to do long distance. I feel like he loves me a lot more than I like him and he’s really bent on a long distance relationship but I’m not so bent on it cos I’m scared and feel that his ideas are too idealistic. So yeah, I don’t want to do long distance but then let me also add that there’s a demon trying to find its way back into my life. We’ve dated for a bit, did long distance for maybe two years and I’ve liked him for three years. He’s left me to be with other people but part of me still feels something for him. Now, however, I don’t know how to get him to go away cos I don’t have time for his nonsense and I definitely like my new guy but don’t want to do this long distance of anything cos I don’t see an end to it.

My dear,

First of all let me apologize for not getting back to you sooner. You see, from time to time even Sisi Sheri has to deal with life’s issues. Now I have read your letter and I’ll break my response into Guy #1 and Guy #2.

E ku enjoyment my sister! Some are struggling to find half a man to give them trouble. It sounds to me like you actually care about this Guy #1, just not enough to go forward with a relationship. Long distance is never easy, so for it to work it takes two people who actually want to be doing FaceTime and Skype all the time. You have to be committed to keeping in touch and making sure the other person is secure from afar. More than the distance though, it sounds like in general you are not ready for this relationship. In this short message, you’ve given maybe 3 excuses about why it can’t work: graduation, fear, his idealism, etc.

The fact is that you can like someone and not want to be with them. Don’t try and force it, but please, PLEASE do not lead him on. If you aren’t ready (and you most likely won’t be anytime soon), then tell him so that he can go and look for happiness elsewhere. Don’t turn him into a bingo that is waiting outside for you to throw him a bone. If only for the sake of the next girl that he will be telling “my last chick broke my heart, so now I’m a demon” just tell him the truth and let him decide what he wants to do. Help your fellow women out, fuckboy is already an epidemic. Let’s not add to their numbers.

Now, onto Guy #2. Girllll this is the face I am giving you right now:

You, of your own accord, have just said “he is a DEMON”, “he’s left me to be with other girls”. These are all the facts that you need. Two years and nothing has worked? This bobo is coming back for round 3 of wasting your damn time. There is no “getting him to go away”. Repeat after me “I am not a McDonald’s drive thru”. The reason he can come back is because the door is still open for him to walk in and out as he pleases. He has become a season ticket holder in ya life. Not always present, but can show up whenever he likes.

We get to choose. We get to decide what we want and who we allow in our lives. If you cannot accept what he is offering you, then let that be known and shut that door. Lock it up. Slam the stuff! If he wants to be in your life, he will make the necessary changes to be there. If not, he will see the locked door and keep it moving. As long as you entertain him, he will be present. C’est fini. My advice is that you think about what you really want. Once you’ve settled on that, pass the information along to the respective parties. Bae is not by force.

Let me know how it works out. And the rest of you, feel free to email me at sheri.bradshola@culturecustodian.com. Sisi Sheri is here for you.

Until next time, stay woke!

Sisi Sheri

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