Preacher Kid Problems

PK – Preachers Kids

Not long after I turned 1, my dad became a Pastor. He became a Christian when he was 16 and is fond of lamenting on how he wished he had “come into the faith earlier”. Ah! Yes. The first thing about being a PK – you get used to very strange turns of phrase – an even higher level of what I term “Christianese”. People are referred to as “brother” or “sister” and phrases like “by the blood”, “are you saved?” and “The anointing was heavy” are commonplace from a very early age. It’s when you have embarrassed yourself a few times in other social settings you realize not everyone uses “by his grace” to emphasize the uncertainty of future plans.

There are moments of bliss in the struggle that is being a PK. But that bliss is a beautiful and fabulous wig as my friend, Wale puts it.  The reality of the situation is the didi your wig sits on. Take for instance, the standing invitation to every church member’s event. Who doesn’t like carte blanche to attend parties? Who? The problem comes when the invitation is one that cannot be ignored. Someone must go, and in the case your pastor parent, the first choice can’t make it (or can’t think up a godly way to tell the celebrant they have no interest in attending their crusty event), you the poor child, has to Isaac the bants and become the sacrifice. It doesn’t matter what type of event it is. Burial oh, Wedding oh, House warming oh, Vow Renewal oh, Baptism oh, Birthday oh. Whether or not you want to go is iirelevant. You will be invited, you will go and you will eat and make merry. Halleluyah!

Your own events are then considered extra special because no serious church member forgets about it. That means extra everything: Greetings, presents, cake and prayers. You know, all that good stuff. The choir might sing a cute little song with harmonies, and if your church is extra like that there might even be an announcement and a special “can you come up to the front so we can appreciate and pray for you?” While that is all well and good, it means in the case you do have a party you have to play church politics. At least one member from each department must be invited and to make sure you don’t look like you’re playing church politics, you might as well make it two. Then Assistant Pastors, Deacons, Elders, Ministers- all must be invited. This influences the music, the “beverages” you decide to serve and how you have to warn all your friends “Abeg! Behave o, all my parents pastor people will be there”. Stresss!

As a PK you become a professional in long suffering. How? See JAMB question. You learn from an early age that what you want does not matter when the work of the Lord is concerned. You will wake up and get to church before everyone else with your pastor parents, attend workers prayers meeting, stay for the whole service (or in the case the Lord has prospered the work of your parents hands, more than one service) and the wait while your parents counsel the whole church ONE AT A TIME and attend all the different types of meetings before you return home. You get used to communion doubling as a snack on those Sundays because you cannot get home in time to eat lunch at a normal hour. Yes, it’s that serious. Do you think this life is a game? Do you think we are here for jokes?

No one is more aware that there is a church event for every single holiday/special day than a preachers kid. New Years Eve Party? Kindly find your way to the House of the Lord to “usher in the New Year” in a proper manner. The ones going to parties and living it up in boat club obviously want to seat outside during the final feast after judgement day. Leave them. Valentine’s day? There is love feast in the church. All this rubbish of man and woman going out to eat is rubbish. Come and love your God. Easter weekend? Ah, this is our specialty. There is Good Friday service and Easter Sunday service. Don’t disappoint the Holy Spirit and be found wanting. Independence day? There are prayers around noon because we need to cry out to the Lord on behalf of our nation. No time for party, come and pray. Christmas is definitely taken because it’s Jesus’ birthday so turn up with that communion wine and wafers is guaranteed.

While your friends are threatened using simple English, PK’s are threatened using bible stories. If you are just showing small small signs of waywardness,  it’s the story of the children of Israel in the wilderness your parents will use to sub your entire life during devotion. I remember one morning my dad called my brothers and I for regular morning devotion only for this man to start preaching about the Sons of Eli and the tragedy that befell them and how woeful it was that even their father, the anointed one called by the most High God could not even save them. Na wa o. Just because we were considering selling small refreshments in church and starting a “love gift” system in order to organise meetings with Pastor. Toh

You must be a church worker. I became an usher when I was 12 years old. Can you imagine? Apparently you cannot be idle in the Lord’s vineyard in peace like many other members. My immediate younger brother joined me when he turned the same age. The youngest however, has been a stumbling block in godly family perfection He has been chased from every single department he has grudgingly joined and has now taken the initiative to start his own department; emotional support. Needless to say, we are unsure of his salvation. Kindly keep him in your prayers as well.

There are a myriad of issues we children of the anointed ones suffer. I mean these are just a few of our very many struggles and whilst I would like to continue lamenting, I don’t want you to be disheartened completely on our behalf. So next time you feel the need to side eye a PK, understand that this life is not easy please. Somebody cannot come and go and die. We did not choose the PK life, the PK life chose we.

Peace love, and enough anointing oil to drown your sorrows,

Jola.