Twenty One and all its lessons

Twenty-one was really the age I should have slowed down, but instead, I chose to barrel head first into relationships, friendships and countless imprudent, and in some cases, indiscreet decisions. In my mind, I had already come so far in my ‘young and stupid’ phase and the only choice I had left was to keep propelling down the dangerous path of growing up. What an absolutely obtuse way to think, but that was me in 2012- young and imperceptive.

I was clearly not the wisest 21year old, and I am not here to support the need to be young and stupid. You can be young and wise – mistakes are bound to happen, but before you make any decision, or allow any decision to be made for you, take a whole day to think about it, then decide in the morning. An entire day might seem excessive but it’s not. I currently live by that rule and quite frankly, it has saved my life.

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Three years ago, I was 21 and what people refer to as a Later Bloomer. While I was very much aware of the things society deemed morally wrong, and I did try my best to stay away from them, having a serious boyfriend during the first 3 years of college had its effects. I learned everything from him, then he broke my heart and sent me off to the world alone. Terrifying experience, but I crawled and kicked my way through that year, dated a few more boys, fell in love, fell out of love, hated, loved, cried, laughed, screamed, found God, lost God, found God again, ripped myself apart, put myself together, built and knocked down friendships, picked girls over boys, picked boys over girls, picked boys over God, lived, died a little and then lived again.

When I eventually hit 23, I managed to finally pull myself together; I walked away from a number of toxic relationships, found new and better friends, learned how to be alone and happy, learned the difference between love and lust, learned the difference between interest and difference and learned how to be a grown-up. It took years, but hey, Rome did not take a day to flourish.

Do I sometimes wish I did all of that learning when I was younger? Absolutely, but here’s a salient fact you should know, if I hadn’t gone through my stupid phase, better still, if I hadn’t been reckless with my heart and emotions, I would not be where I am right now. Experience really is the best teacher.

So if I could, what would I say to my 21-year old self right now? Three things:

1. God is real.
2. You will finally find that balance you spent so long searching for.
3. You’ll love working out. Trust me.

After much thought, I decided to pose this question to my twitter followers, and because they are so amazing, I received a number of beautiful, poignant answers. Of course some people had to crack the most useless jokes because Nigerians, but I sifted through my mentions and picked my favorite responses. Read them below:

• “You’ll be just fine. Everyday you think you won’t, but one day, nothing hurts and you’re just fine” – @JacqueeScott_

• “Live” – @AmakaO_

• “19 yr old self, don’t be afraid to make a damn decision” – @jibola_oki

• “First thing I thought was ‘stop worrying’” – @Kach_ache

• “Intern during the summer. Gain as much work experience as you can before you graduate” – @Fallering

• “It’s gonna get really really hard before it gets really really good” – @MoonMom_

• “Let people help you. It’s okay not to have everything figured out right now. And corny but, listen to your heart” – @kene_co

• “Buy stock in Apple my nigga and you can’t drown the sorrows forever, just face them” – @C_C_C_O_ 

• “It’s your biggest year yet, you will learn so much in less than one year, make big decisions but you’ll be happy” – @Lelapinfou_

• “I really hope you’ve made the right choices” – @St_Gothica

• “Concentrate” – @bll3ssin

• “You could be doing your CFA now” – @DNintro_deuces

• “Stop faffing around like you have time. Life is short” – @eldivyn

• “Enjoy the moment because you’re gonna miss it” – @BabaOloriokoBB

• “I’d tell her that life is worth living and self-destruction isn’t the way not to “feel” – @itsdcmd

• “It gets better” – @TheGreyHunter

• “I’d probably tell myself to always take one extra step beyond my comfort zone & prioritize focus” – @NigerianNytmare

• “Learn programing” -@Demigodhenry

• “I’d tell myself, it’s not too late to go into engineering” – @moyodre1

• “Stop and think about it. Because this is only the beginning” – @OneAngryAfrican

• “Write everything you feel. Don’t be afraid TO feel. Aren’t you tired of lying yet? Work out. Don’t do IT” – @FantaBender

• “Don’t wait for anyone before doing anything. Don’t be afraid of failure” – @ShyTalkative 

• “I would tell myself that life is just starting… I shouldn’t rush to grow up, at the same time I should be prime for responsibilities. Learn to accept love but be more willing to give it as well. Life is consistently filled with changes, change a little quicker” – Okwui O.

On June 1st, a new chapter of my life will begin, and as I face another major transition since I began college in 2008, I had to sit back and reflect on how far I have come along. I didn’t get to 24 without a couple of cuts and bruises. Shit, some of those cuts still haven’t healed but;

Am I a better person?

Yes.

Am I smarter, wiser and more accountable?

Yes.

Am I less of an emotional cow?

No I am not.

I am still an emotional cow, but, I am not a blathering, emotional cow incapable of making sensible decisions, and that to me, defines progress.

I hope you sit down and think about how far you’ve come too. I hope you only have positive things to say to your 21-year old self, I hope you tell yourself that you have indeed jumped over the hurdles you faced and managed to kill off all your demons. I hope you realize that in spite of the mistakes you made, you are still here, alive, and for that reason alone, you can start over again.

Love always,

Koromone