Your Right is my Wrong

What began as a natural adolescent occurrence now symbolises what I stand for. My God given facial hair is a political reality in my life, a mark of the social construct that I am up against. I believe in the right of self-expression and my beard reminds me of my inclinations to be unapologetic for it.

Since I was thirteen, my facial hair has become other people’s prerogative. Mr Asante, my ninth grade Geography teacher walked into class and disappointingly said to me “You should just be like me and cut your beard young man. Boys like you who keep their beard scruffy and think it’s cool, never grow up to be gentlemen.” Mr Asante was not used to boys keeping their beards and to him, every boy had to cut his beard. My beard didn’t conform to his beliefs. I went home and grudgingly shaved before my next Geography class.

Recently, I decided to keep my beard. When people meet me for the first time, their eyes tend to linger on my face followed by a gaping of their lips. Most would ask and try to pretend that everything’s normal. Some are brave enough to ask if I’ve joined a religious cult that requires me to keep a beard. These questions and reactions annoy me.

There have been bouts of anger because I do not understand why people judge me by the length of my beard or how well trimmed it is. Why should it be anyone’s problem whether I keep it or not? My teachers, my friends and even my father all want me to look a certain way according to what they have been told and thought is acceptable.

I’ve realized how people around me placed judgment casually. People say that girls who wear short skirts are iniquitous. Some people say that it is uncouth to keep dread locks, and some say how people who do not pray or atheist are immoral. We project our values and expectations onto those around us. Our inability to see beyond what we know to be right and accept others ways, shrouds us in a sheet of prejudice.

However, it is not really our fault that we feel the inclination to say what we think is right for us should be right for all. Growing up my friends and I all went to Sunday school. We sang the same songs about Jesus and his disciples. Christianity and my beliefs were validated by the conviction of the people around me, although they were never scientifically proven to be fact. My belief became a social fact and because I did not know anything else my immediate environment extrapolated how I imagined the world was. Since all my friends, family, teachers and even the people I did not like believed in God I assumed and came to believe that everyone else did.

I have since come to realize that not everybody shares the same beliefs, values and cultures hence, they should not be forced or expected to share the same belief system. I struggled with this realization for a long time in my life. I knew that people were different but I would from time to time catch myself wondering how someone could choose to have sex before marriage. I would say to my friends that people are different and should be celebrated and accepted, but before I fell asleep each night I wondered how one could live a fulfilled life without praying. I sometimes even pitied boys who spoke openly about masturbation. I felt ashamed on their behalf. Of course, I never told them or showed them, but I judged them. I kept hoping that they would eventually realize that they were lost, and would come back to the right path of life like the prodigal son.

Now, I no longer feel ashamed for anyone. I no longer feel like the white man must have felt as he looked at the lost, uncivilized African man. I no longer see myself as superior. I see myself as equal. I am an equal individual to everyone regardless of values and beliefs.

Lately, people have been asking what pushes a fourteen year old to hold an AK-47 and kill a pregnant woman. I think what drives that boy to pull the trigger is what drove me to feel shame for people around me. Boko Haram leaders grow up knowing that anything apart from Sharia law must be destroyed and is wrong. Consequently, everyone must conform to their “right” and nothing else. We are the first to point fingers and accuse such terrorist groups not realizing that we too are terrorists just like them. We may not kill people, kidnap innocent children or cause catastrophic explosions but our eyes and words kill people every day with the judgment they carry. Our minds and beliefs which hold on to a fixated way of living and reject any other alternative, kidnap someone else’s right of expression. Therefore, we are no better than the fundamentalists who give us nightmares at night.

Not being able to accept difference makes us vulnerable to prejudice and sometimes even to act on our prejudices. Recently, there have been xenophobic attacks in South Africa and admittedly there are a number of complex and delicate reasons that have led to such attacks. However, if we do look at it, Xenophobia is a prejudice built off of difference. It is framed through the portrayal as other, people who do not share the same culture as us. Now, if we create societies where we teach each other that difference of any kind is something that should be accepted and recognized we begin to protect our society from people and systems who will attempt to manipulate existing differences for their own gain.

Having an opinion is not a crime but imposing your opinions on people is akin to a felony. If we are to coexist in this world with seven billion other people then we should accept that just like the pebbles in the ocean we are all different.