Nigerian Lives: 6 Nigerians on Sexually Repressed Thoughts

Sexual repression is a struggle that affects a lot more people than one might think, and it tends to be shrouded in secrecy and shame. This is not just for religious reasons but also cultural ones; even as adults, not many can talk to their parents or guardians about sex. What this means is that people learn about sex from possibly unsavory places, and it leads to some very dark thoughts. From the lady who had pastors for parents to the man who used to fantasize about his teacher,  Culture Custodian spoke to six Nigerians about their struggles with sexual repression and the thoughts that came with it.

Ayo, 28

I grew up in a very religious home where I wasn’t allowed to ask questions about sex. I didn’t even get ‘the talk,’ and seeing explicit scenes in movies wasn’t teaching me anything. I was so curious about it that, as a teenager, whenever I saw a woman on the road, there’d be a voice in my head telling me to pin her down just to see what sex is like. I never, ever acted on these impulses, of course, but now that I’m older I’m a little ashamed of myself. 

Jordan, 25

I had the usual religious parents, but even if you didn’t, you know culturally, Nigerians don’t like to talk about sex. It’s almost taboo. In SS2, I had the biggest crush on my English teacher. At that point, I’d heard stories of older women being interested in younger guys and I desperately wanted her to be interested in me. Sometimes I’d even get hard-ons in class

Nancy, 22

I’m honestly embarrassed about this. My parents were pastors so you already know talking about sex was a no-go, even if it was shown in films and even music videos. It didn’t help that I was just on the cusp of puberty and all the hormones that come with it, and I used to read a lot of those erotic romance novels. I think I was around 14 when I got the idea to pray to God for help in the situation. I prayed that my house would get robbed and one of the robbers would rape me so I could see what sex is like without it being a sin on my end. I know that sounds bad but what other choice did I have? Now I’m grateful that God didn’t answer the prayers.

Theresa, 23 

I’ve made some foolish decisions in my life. There’s a particularly lonely road that used to be around my parent’s house. There were other roads to pass, and someone had gotten raped on the lonely road before, but that was exactly why I kept passing there. I had just turned 18 and I was waiting to get admission into school, but my curiosity was through the roof and my classmates had already started having sex. One had even gotten pregnant! So I reasoned that if I got raped, I wasn’t committing sin by having premarital sex, and nobody would seriously blame me. It didn’t work out though, thankfully.

Emmanuella, 25

When I was 10, I accidentally found a porn folder on my uncle’s laptop. My childhood was immediately ruined, and my interest was piqued. Coupled with a few erotic novels, I wanted to try what I had seen and read so badly. One day I used my uncle’s laptop to film myself… naked. I know, it’s awful. I played it back later and deleted it, but I didn’t realize you also had to delete things from the recycle bin. My mother beat me that day ehn. She wrapped a belt around my neck and swung me into walls, then she rubbed pepper on my privates. It was a whole thing, and it made me hate to be touched at all when I reached the age to finally have sex.

Idris, 27

I remember finding a CD that was filled with porn when I was 15. I used to watch it and kind of hump my sister’s teddy bear. Then I’d remove the CD and hide it. One day they took the light while I was watching it and they didn’t bring it until my parents got back home. My parents lined up my three siblings and me, threatening to kill all of us if we didn’t say who had been watching it. I confessed, and they asked me what I’d been doing while watching it. I had to act it out. The way I was dealt with that day? I still have scars on my back.